3:50am again sitting up at my computer desk,
writing this poem documenting my quest.
Years have gone by and the fight continues to persist,
my tired mind tries so very hard to resist.
It seems the harder I try to keep positive thoughts,
the curse of the constant body and mind pain keeps me in knots.
Years of insomnia driving me crazy,
1am, 2am, 3am, always feeling lazy.
I do not wish this life full of pain on anyone,
crushing me day by day like a metric ton.
Sometimes I think my mind is weak,
but to survive this daily suffering is not for the meek.
Solidtude and depression consumes me to no end,
zest for life disappeared long ago my friend.
The mental imagery of taking myself out,
a final action that will leave no doubt.
See doctors and councelors about my struggle,
they try and put me back together like a puzzle.
Some of them offering me prescription meds,
I choose to reject drugs for my body and head.
I despise the long nights to come,
tossing and turning head beating like a drum.
I look into my eyes there is no more brightness,
all I see is a broken man that is lifeless.
I want to pack my bags and leave my wife,
a beautiful woman always full of life.
She need not see her husband like this any longer,
walking around limping and losing his honor.
Why do I continue to suffer on this earth,
sixty years now since my birth.
Someday my Lord will bring me my relief,
for you see I do live with a strong faith and belief.
~ Robert Maestas ~
05/16/2017 – 4:30am