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Another dreadful sleepless night is upon me.
the gremlins are beginning to fill my mind and body with debris.
I listen to my wife next to me as she soundly sleeps,
I would give anything for that peace as I began to weep.

My head again filled with numbness and muscle spasms,
It is now midnight and I think is this the neoplasm?
The jaw pain is unbearable this night,
could it be the cold winter that brings my painful plight?

My eyes are closed but the mind is awake and racing,
the constant thoughts of death and suicide are blazing.
Struggle with the frozen back to turn on my side,
please God make the pain go away and hide.

The heaviness and pain is now deep in the chest,
It has come back into my body to molest.
I am so tired of the Tiger Baum,
the pain free and healthy body so long ago gone.

My legs and feet full of pins, needles and asleep,
this new unexplainable pain I cannot delete.
Do not want to wake my sleeping wife,
she has heard enough of my personal strife.

I pray for deep sleep, peace and no more pain,
I do not want my wife to hear me complain.
It is now 1:00am and I crawl out of bed,
I have to try and get relief in my body and head.

Swallow a Vicodin quietly moaning,
create my art to keep the mind free and roaming.
Try to remain strong and positive,
in reality suicide might be my only alternative.

Depressed, tired and feeling sad,
fighting this long battle has made me bitter and mad.
I can eliminate the pain and mind numbing sleepless nights,
and in heaven I will again finally be whole and right.

May peace, love and humility be with those that remain,
the world we live in is not to blame,
the human race is and that is the shame.
I will always love my friends, family and beautiful wife,
I just grew tired of the many years of a sleepless pain filled life.

~ Robert Maestas ~
02/26/2013, 2:30am



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